expect the worst

Voice loss blog!

2013-04-22T19:07:14Z

I've lost my voice!
That is, I haven't completely lost the ability to speak, but I've lost my usual voice. I've lost the range and the depth I had. The high-pitched voice I happily sing away with, do impressions and silly noises for my own amusement. In its place is a weak version of my voice. A frail little man's voice as he strains from the bottom of a well. It's been five weeks since I noticed something was wrong and a month since I began to experience symptoms that have had my stomach tied in knots ever since.
In a couple of months I'm supposed to be the lead in Billy, the musical based on the novel and film Billy Liar, made famous by Michael Crawford. So since I noticed I was beginning to have problems with my voice, I'm a third of the way closer to the show and am beginning to get desperate.
Worrying over this has become tedious and tiring and may be exasperating my condition, so I rushed home and decided to pour it all out into a blog, which I thought might relieve some of the tension. We'll see.

Mon 18th March
It's my turn to set and host the quiz at my local pub. I trundle through it merrily. Afterwards, I remark to my wife, Lucie, that I'm worried Gethsemane (the epic Jesus Christ Superstar song I've been practicing with my new singing teacher) is starting to take its toll on me. I've been having singing lessons since before Christmas because I was concerned about my complete lack of technique and am aware I'm due to prop up an entire show in summer. This is the first time I've noticed any sort of creak or croak in my voice but really don't think a great deal of it.

Wed 20th March
It's the first music rehearsal for Billy. It's a great rehearsal! Lots of fun. The chorus sound amazing and I sing away with gusto. That night I declare to Lucie that I think it did me a lot of good and I've blown cobwebs off my voice...

Thu 21st March
'I just can't seem to quench this thirst!' I say to Dan at work the next day. I seem to be drinking water all day but my mouth just feels dry no matter how much I have.
That evening, Lucie and I go and watch a stage production of my favourite book, A Kind of Loving, in Wakefield. I played Richard Hannay in a Dewsbury Arts Group production of the jolly silly version of The Thirty-Nine Steps in September and draw comparisons to that and this production of A Kind of Loving, which employs inventive set use and changes and injects more humour into the story than is usual. It doesn't entirely work for me or Lucie but the lead performance by Byron Owen perfectly captures the Jack-the-lad character of Vic Brown which I think is lacking from most other versions of the story. I wonder if any of the cast have had voice problems...

Wed 27th March
My throat is becoming increasingly dry, especially first thing when it feels as though there is no moisture whatsoever in my mouth. When I swallow at this time of day, it feels as though my throat is stuck together. I've spent days drinking jars of honey and warm water with lemon. It seems to temporarily help. Temporarily. I've also been looking up laryngitis on the internet, which I now assume I have. Acute laryngitis is already looking like being out of the window. I can still talk and I don't seem to have the same croakiness that others describe. Mine seemed to come on slowly and has been plaguing me for over a week. Could it be chronic? I think so. I self-impose vocal rest while I wait the requisite three weeks before it's considered doctor-worthy.
There is a dance rehearsal for Billy, choreographed by Lucie. Nothing taxing, but I wish I were able to sing along as I go through the movements.
I'm already having worries that my voice just isn't strong enough to hold an entire show. I played Oscar Lindquist in Sweet Charity in Dewsbury Arts Group's summer musical last year. A fantastic character role which eased me into my first musical with just one solo and a duet. My voice could easily handle it. It might not have been a very polished performance, song-wise, but I let myself off for my first attempt and I loved every minute of it. I'd only been acting a year-and-a-bit by then and it was the most fun I've ever had in my entire life. But Billy is a dozen songs every night for two weeks. I think it necessary to raise the issue with the director, who assures me I shouldn't worry and that it's perfectly natural for the voice to be a bit rusty after not singing for a while.

Thu 28th March
I go and see my singing teacher. I'm not sure she understands how worried I am and almost puts me through a lesson! I protest and excuse myself to go and rest. Something I've been doing a lot of over the last few days, lounging around at home and falling asleep early, much to Lucie's chagrin. I put it down to being unwell.

Sun 31st March
It's my birthday and my voice is at it's weakest. I almost cancel the trip to the pub but decide I can go and just sit in silence. I make a bit of a joke about it, handing people a note to say I have laryngitis and will only speak if I have something absolutely hilarious to say...
I haven't been drinking for a few weeks. The initial intention was to trim up a little for Billy. I'm now 32 - the same age Michael Crawford was when he played the part - and I'm a young-looking thirty-two-year-old. But I decide trimming off what little fat I have will add to the laddish appeal and look of the character. Now, having read up on how to aid voice recovery, I have another reason to be teetotal. But it's my birthday and I indulge a bit. I decide ginger and whisky is the the best drink I can have for my voice if I have to drink at all. But my guard is down and by the end of the night I'm chatting away.
On the way home, Lucie argues that I'm being silly. I simply need to clear my throat, much as one does first thing in the morning and/or get over it. So the night ends in an argument with me exclaiming that she doesn't understand how upset and depressed all this is making me!

Wed 3rd-Thu 11th Apr, New York
I conclude that there's nothing much I can do right now. We're going to New York for our fourth wedding anniversary and my voice will recover by the time I'm back. I'm not due to do any singing for a couple of weeks so I should go and enjoy myself. But I can't. I trundle around New York, always a couple of steps behind Lucie, who's excited at her first time here (I went for work a few years ago). It's probably like being followed around by some miserable ghost! But I've sunk into a really deep depression. The worry about my voice and the increasing possibility that I won't be able to be in Billy is with me at every step. I simply can't shake it. I'm almost completely silent now and the noise of New York is too much for me to compete with. It feels like I'm milking it but I'd give anything not to feel like this. I'm worried I'm ruining the trip for Lucie... but this simply adds to my dark mood. I really want to enjoy myself but in truth, I want to go home and see a doctor. I'm in New York, for God's sake! But I'd rather be at home knowing I'm being seen to!
I have my script with me. I always intended to spend a lot longer learning my lines on this so that I could focus on the singing and dancing, having got the lines under my belt, to give a really polished performance. But with the thought that I might not be up for this any more, my script stays untouched. It's in my bag with my camera and every time I take my camera out, the sight of the script fills me with a pang of dread that I'm about to let everyone down, plus an extra hit of sadness at the feeling that this brilliant role is getting away from me.
There is one moment of optimism, however. We get last minute tickets to see The Blue Man Group. Fantastic seats, too. The Blue Man Group are a sort of musical, mime, cabaret act. It's brilliantly inspiring and I go home thinking that if for some bizarre reason I was to ever lose my voice completely, I could write something around it. I have an idea that keeps my mind occupied and off my voice for a little while.
At one point, Lucie tells me she hopes we find a wishing well so she could wish me better again. Emotionally exhausted, I hang my head so the peak of cap hides my eyes in the cafe because I've welled up a bit.
Towards the end of the trip I think my worry is beginning to manifest itself in a strange way. My right arm begins to tingle and I fill my mind with all sorts of horror stories about what it is.

Thu 11th Apr
We're back and I march straight up to my GP's surgery, jet lag in tow. I'm lucky, there's literally been a cancellation as I enter reception so I'm seen in half-an-hour.
The doctor looks confused, 'Laryngitis usually goes in a just a few days...' Infuriatingly, he adds that my voice sounds perfectly fine! I have to assure him that it's not right. He gives me some pseudoephedrine hydrochloride and tells me to return in two weeks if my symptoms persist, at which point he would refer me to an ENT specialist. I don't know what the pills do at first but am pleased to have something more than the suggestion that I rest my voice for two weeks and return later. I convince myself I have some weird virus and these pills will magically fix me. They don't.

Fri 12th-Tues 16th Apr
Work is beginning to feel like an inconvenience as I just want to feel like myself again and my normal life is getting in the way of my recovery. I don't feel like I have my identity. I can't tell you how many times I open my mouth to speak before deciding I should probably not bother. I'm a bit of a goof at work and am surprised to hear that some people want to hear me speak again, rather than tease me that it's been much quieter lately!
Let me get something straight: while I'm a chronic worrier, I'm not one to go to the doctor unless something really strange is happening to me! So to consider a second visit to the doctor's already is very out of character and I had to think long and hard about it.
But I wonder if I'm over-looking something. Does my dry throat equate to an excessive thirst? My arm continues to tingle and now my left leg is feeling a bit dead! I visit the walk-in centre at the hospital expecting to find out I'm diabetic. In a bizarre series of events, the situation escalates and before you know it, I'm at Pinderfields Hospital, Wakefield, overnight, in the stroke ward!
The next day I'm assured my two doctors I haven't had a stroke. I could have told them that. Two more doctors also assure me of this and by the end of it all, I could perform the stroke test on you, no problem. They don't know why my limbs are tingling so they run a series of tests. Turns out my body is in great condition! I'd had the works! A full MOT! But a CT scan reveals something on my brain and I have to stay another night. Two days later I have an MRI scan. Another day passes and it turns out there's nothing there (apart from my brain). So I've spent a weekend in hospital thinking I have an aneurysm! My experience in the hospital for four nights is too long and detailed to go into this time. To be honest though, I was never worried about my brain. The worst I was facing was some 'modest surgery,' as one nurse put it. The whole thing was still overshadowed by my voice. My priorities are out of line...
I've been reading Michael Palin's 1970s diaries. He battled often with his voice, especially while performing Mr. Gumby, his "vocal nemesis". While waiting around on my hospital bed, I read about the time his voice completely went in New York!
I think maybe my anxiousness over my voice caused my limbs to tingle. A stress-related symptom. The doctors were left scratching their head over it and said it was 'probably nothing'. So that's what I think. It's more or less gone by the time I get out.
I finally return home and go back to the tedious job of worrying about my voice, amidst much air punching and well-wishing from my lovely friends over the results of my brain MRI.
During this time I spent a while composing an e-mail to the director of Billy. A heartfelt message outlining my concerns. I ask if he should earmark a replacement for me, to be deployed in a couple of weeks should I decide I can't do it. I'm a little embarrassed at the reply, which tells me to concentrate on getting better and that we shouldn't "rush into anything"...

Wed 17th Apr
Another dance rehearsal for Billy. I'd been quietly dreading this all day. I missed the first one on Sunday due to being hospital-bound. But it turns out be a great tonic for my mood! By the end, while slightly daunted at the tap solo (!), I'm glad to have something else to take my mind off things.
But the director and Barbara (who plays Billy's gran) say I look worried. I try to assure them I was just concentrating on the dancing! We pop down to the pub and have a drink (a ginger beer for me). I'm told rather sternly a few times not to worry. This irks me a little bit. Acknowledging it makes it worse! There is also a comment along the lines of, 'you do want to do this, don't you?' Of course I do! More than any other part I've played out of the ten productions I've been involved in the last two years. Plus there is suggestion from people that I've made myself have voice problems from worry. Let's get another thing straight: before my voice started to go, I wasn't worried! I was excited and raring to go. I had it! I knew exactly how to play Billy! My singing was going well - clear as a bell and hitting notes I never knew I could! I even know when to cut my hair short and how to style it for the two weeks leading up to the show, so that when the show starts and I wash it, it will be trained to exactly how I would like it to be! I've only been worried because of the voice. That's reasonable, right?!!
Before auditions in November, I had raised concerns that I wasn't sure I was able to carry an entire musical but was convinced otherwise by the director and his wife. And I mean convinced! I believed I could do it and thought nothing more on it. Now it seems me raising those early concerns were echoing in the minds of people...

Thu 18th Apr
Coincidentally, it's "Voice Week" on Radio 2! I hear how Connie Fisher has come to deal with the congenital condition, sulcus vocalis, which gives me comfort. She was told she would never sing again but has managed to work with her condition. Jeremy Vine has a camera up his nose and down his throat to look at his vocal chords. And ironically, Chris Evans has been off because he has lost his voice (for a couple of days, the lucky swine).
It doesn't sound like a long time, but a month of this is enough to make you start to feel like this is how it's going to be from now on. A pessimistic view, yes, but being robbed of your voice - albeit only partially - is deeply frustrating. It's nice to hear stories of voice loss on the radio.
Everyone around me seems to be singing and bellowing. How unfair, I think. I've been looking after my voice. I stopped smoking a few months ago. Now I barely drink. I'm having lessons to teach me how not to strain my voice. I'm doing everything I should! But I've been cruelly robbed.

Fri 19th Apr
It's the Dewsbury Arts Group 50th anniversary dinner dance at the town hall. I've been looking forward to this for months. I've been building a vintage tuxedo, piece by piece. When I was in hospital, there was what felt like a very real chance I might miss it! So I was glad I could make it.
At work I'd been listening to Jon Ronson documentaries, which had taken my mind off my voice again. So by the time the dance rolled around I was in good spirits and was philosophical about my voice.
I wasn't able to mingle like I usually would. My voice is such that it sounds fine in a quiet room, but I just can't get any volume behind it when there's a load of background noise (a room full of people talking and a swing band in this case). But otherwise, it was a good night.
The director was relieved to see me smiling. He grabs me encouragingly on the shoulder and says, 'you know what? I think you're gonna be all right, you know!' I wish I had his optimism but I wasn't down about it any more.
I had another, 'you do want this part, don't you?' during the night. Again, it pissed me off a bit. It's as if my concerns are being dismissed as me just making excuses because I'm afraid of the part. Maybe that's not what anyone is getting at but I can't help but feel that way.

Sat 20th-Sun 21st Apr
A bit of a lost weekend in which I told myself I was resting.
We ventured out to a 79th birthday on Saturday with bands playing. Of course, this completely silenced me in the venue and I worry I came across a bit rude!

Mon 22nd Apr
The dryness in my throat had really subsided over the weekend. I was optimistic, thinking that although it was slow, I was getting better!
But today my voice is about as weak as it's been yet. And some of the dryness has returned. I'm back at the doctor's tomorrow, most likely just to get a referral to an ENT specialist. A horrible limbo period of I don't know how long. But I'm looking forward to speaking to someone who will understand or sympathise with what I'm experiencing - I'm being teased about being over-dramatic via text about this as I type!! And I can find out what's wrong with me. Then again, if the referral doesn't come through for a while I may have even recovered by then!
Until today, I was beginning to reassure myself I would be on stage and delivering the performance of my life in just a few weeks! Now, again, I feel the part is going to to be passed on to another actor. My friends at the theatre are willing me to get back to full speed. Maybe I should adopt some of that positive thinking but realistically, I don't feel good about it.
Now there's a piece on Bang Goes The Theory about internet self-diagnosis! I've been told off several times about looking online but I think laryngitis is a pretty clear-cut thing. Surprisingly, a doctor is saying some positive things about looking online in trusted places.
So it's to the doctor again tomorrow. There's a dance rehearsal on Wednesday, which is going to be difficult when I don't see the point any more. The director says on Thursday, at a music rehearsal, I should just belt it out - then we'll know (that does fly in the face of everything I know about laryngitis and vocal recovery so I don't think I'll be doing that).

All that spilled out on the Monday. The following entries have been added as the days went on:

Tue 23rd Apr
The second doctor takes a quick look and declares the right side of my throat does look a little red, so it's antibiotics this time. My first feeling was of disappointment at not being referred to an ENT specialist, but after a little bit I start to feel positive. He cockily reckoned my voice would be back within the week. Here's hoping.
I'm watching Goodnight, Sweetheart on GOLD. Gary is pretending to have laryngitis.

Wed 24th Apr
Another Billy dance session. Hard work but great fun.
In the pub afterwards, I'm asked again, 'you do want this part, don't you?' And for a third time I try and get across just how much I do. I think it falls on deaf ears and I predict another one of these conversations soon.
Lucie still reckons it's psychosomatic, an idea which I wholeheartedly reject.
We're tipped off about a Michael Crawford documentary on the BBC iPlayer. Lucie loves Crawford and laps it up, as I would under normal circumstances. They show the only clip fr
om Billy I've ever seen. Lucie flashes me an excited look but I shrug it off. It just makes me sad.

Thu 25th Apr
I convince myself I have vocal nodules. On a couple of occasions singing, I recalled hearing two tones come out simultaneously. I didn't know what it was at the time but I now think it's a sign of nodules. I wonder if I'll ever get a bloody referral so I can know for sure?
There is a music rehearsal for the show. I promised to go along just to listen. A good idea since we go through a song I haven't heard at all. It's a really touching ballad, My Heart is Ready When You Are. I take an instant liking to it and am disappointed because I can't/daren't join in. It's the same for the other songs. The director stands in for me around the piano but I'm itching to go because I know the songs so well by now. There's nothing I can do without wrecking my voice further. It's monumentally frustrating.
I tell a few people I'm slowly getting better. I think I am, anyway. This is met with much whooping and encouraging pats on the arm. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Later, after sitting quietly in the pub, not drinking, I feel my throat tightening up again. I think I'm still not resting my voice quite enough - even though I'm probably speaking 5-10% of what I normally would.

Fri 26th Apr
I am deeply depressed again today. If I wasn't performing, this would just be a mild annoyance and I would quietly get on with it, I'm sure. But instead it feels as though I'm being punished. Like someone, somewhere has spied me on a monitor, 'Sir! This man appears to be having too much fun!' 'How did this happen? Strike him down!' Performing on stage is the thing I like to do more than anything in the world. It's just not fair! So I'm feeling teary today. The smallest thing seems to try and set me off. Little words of sympathy at work, the sweet tune of the ballad last night ringing in my ears... So at the end of the day I just want to get home and have a good old sob.
The area outside my house is cordoned off because there has been an accident. After bargaining with the police, I'm let into my house. I later learn a little girl who lives next door has been hit by a van. It briefly puts things into perspective, but after I call to make a doctor's appointment for Monday (I'm not waiting the whole seven days, six will do!), my mind is back on my voice.
I look through my diary. It's been over six weeks since I noticed a problem. It's just over eight weeks until the show. I still don't feel like reading my script.
I later find out that the van hit the three little girls who live next door and their mother. The mother died. It's heart breaking.

Sat 27th Apr
I haven't felt like doing any of the things I would normally do on a Saturday for a while. But today I take off into town and go hunting for cheesy vinyls in charity shops throughout Dewsbury. There's been a bumper delivery in my absence!
That evening, Lucie and I go to watch Hot Mikado in Huddersfield. A couple of friends are in it and another is musical director.
We went to Nando's a couple of years ago and weren't very impressed. Since then, there's been nothing but rave reviews of it everywhere, so we give it a second chance. Crap. Lucie has to do the ordering.
The show was all right. I haven't seen it before but am not at all keen on the dull storyline. But there are some belting vocal performances. I should be jealous and sad but I just enjoy it.
In the interval, I stand outside while Lucie has a cig. I tell her my theory that I have vocal nodules. She does something quite odd - she rolls her eyes... but in a downwards motion.
We meet our friends in the bar afterwards. It's very loud, so once again, I'm silenced. I overhear Lucie wildly exaggerating a story which involves me...
There's nothing I can do to stop her!
I speak to Richard. He flashes me a look of horror when he hears my voice is no better! Richard would most likely be my replacement for Billy but he says he probably can't do it! He does suggest I still did it and someone sang the songs backstage while I mimed! He added, 'we've done it before!'
Waiting for a delayed train in the station, we bump into the manager of our local pub, The West Riding. She's just returned from a silent retreat.
Back in The West Riding, regular, Derek, is mocking my lack of voice. It's not very funny. But no-one has any idea what I'm going through in my head so I allow some leeway. And he's drunk, anyway.

Sun 28th Apr
Another dance rehearsal. The more I do for this show, the sadder the situation becomes. I love the dance numbers. I love what little I've played of Billy Fisher so far. It's like being teased.
I tell the director I think I have nodes. He scoffs, 'nodes?!!'
I'm very embarrassed because I'm miming my bits again. So when the girl playing Billy's love interest jokingly suggests I should be singing, I can't hide my anger.
I decide I'm going to stop telling people anything about it. It just pisses me off when I do.
We visit my brother-in-law, Maff, and his girlfriend, Sarah, in Slaithwaite. They're playing Carcassonne, which doesn't appeal to me. So I read my script.
The lack of noise has tricked me into thinking I'm feeling much better. But when, on the drive back, I hear my voice fluttering again, I'm reminded it's not as simple as that.
Doctor visit number three tomorrow evening.

Mon 29th Apr
There are really just two people who've been really understanding throughout all of this and that's long-term friends, Neil and Woody. They regularly inquire how my voice is via text.
Woody is a nurse and always was very sympathetic as a person. When I was in hospital he talked me through my notes on a visit. Turns out my blood oxygen levels, heart rate, cholesterol and body mass index are all excellent. I didn't even know they'd checked for all that!
Neil is my best friend and also a good listener. He's lacking one of his drinking buddies so I give him regular updates.
Funny how it's the blokes who seem to be the sensitive ones in all of this!

I have a late doctor's appointment at 19:10. I've already got myself worked up, ready for an argument and am resolved not to leave until I get a referral for an ENT specialist.
I must be in there two minutes. It's the same doctor I saw on my first visit. This gives me a good feeling. He was the one who suggested an ENT referral in the first place so I knew I could get what I wanted with a few carefully placed words. I wanted to avoid just demanding a referral outright in case he was one of those doctors who doesn't like being told what to do! So I told him I suspected strongly I'd done damage to my vocal chords, but was not sure to what extent the damage was. Bingo! I got my referral. When he mouthed the words 'ENT referral' I actually felt like I could cry tears of joy. Seriously. I wanted to hug the man but thought a handshake would suffice in its place. In fact, he even beat me to the handshake, probably because it was quarter-past-seven in the evening on a Monday and I'd agreed to go away!
'I suppose these things take a while to come through, do they?' I asked. But he assured me it wouldn't be long at all. Then again, it depends on your idea of a long time. If I can be seen within the week, that would be ideal. But I've no idea.
I left feeling like I'd been told I'd be back to normal within the hour. It's the best news. Now for the wait until I speak to someone who can actually help me, then I can make a decision on the all-important musical which is looming large...

Tues 30th Apr
I go and help remove some branches from the garden down at the theatre.
One of the Billy cast members arrives and asks how things are. 'Well, what are you gonna do?' she asks. When I tell her I will be seeing a specialist she interrupts me, 'no! About Billy!' She redeems herself when she says she'd give her part up if I can't do it. She won't, but it makes me feel a bit smug.

Wed 1st May
Everything's on hold. The weather is changing and I couldn't care less. I walk to and from work imagining how happy I would be if things were okay. The thought of a show coming up always fills me with excitement. But the summer musical - although I've only done one so far - is particularly nice.
There's a music rehearsal in the evening. No way. No point. So I back out of it. It probably makes me look a bit bad but it saves me telling the same story time after time through strained tones.

Fri 3rd May
I get a text from Richard who says David has had "the talk" with him. Finally, the director is taking it seriously. Richard's rather kindly and sensibly said that he would begin to learn the songs and read the script, but since there are no rehearsals for over two weeks, we can decide later. I feel much better that he's on hand to take over the part and the show isn't left in the lurch. But I won't be able to watch him do it should it come to it because I'd be way too critical.
So the wheels are in motion and to be honest, I'm beginning to get past caring now. I've been miserable about losing out on this for weeks so I've got most of that out of my system. But what I am feeling is a bit foolish. It feels like I've been meddling in things I shouldn't have been and am being sent back to the world of comics with my tail between my legs.

Sat 4th May
I venture into town for a bimble. Before I leave, I take the script out of my bag and leave it in the house where I won't see it every half-an-hour.
What medical stone have I left unturned? Thyroid problems? I spend a good chunk of the day looking into underactive thyroid symptoms and am surprised at how many matches I have: hoarsness, fatigue (it seems like I'm constantly tired lately), dry skin, tingling hands (!!) and a couple of slightly more embarrassing issues... Constipation and low sex drive. The former only once, thankfully, but the worst case of it I've ever had in my life. Ahem. Plus, I know my mum has some issue with her thyroid so it's suddenly a bit of a candidate. I didn't even know where the thyroid was until today!
Jesus. What did I used to do with my Saturdays? Not this! Looking up symptoms online. It's pathetic! I'm one of those sick people I don't like.

We go out to Huddersfield for our friend Shakila's birthday. I've decided to just enjoy myself and have a drink for the first time in weeks. I get pretty hammered. So drunk, in fact, that I can be seen dancing to (*shudder*) R & B with all the five ladies in attendance.
One of our party who has just returned from Bali and has the natural look of someone who practices alternative medicine, suggests I might have some "truth" stuck in my throat... I have no idea how to respond to that without being nasty, so I calmly assure her it's more likely to be mechanical.

Sun 5th May
I go over to our friend, Steve's, who's having a cocktail party in the afternoon.
It's a lovely day and I find Steve in his garden, pottering. I'm the first there and we make a start on some cocktails. I haven't tested my voice all day but suddenly, I seem to be speaking with much greater ease. And that's how it continues well into the night! Maybe there's been a turning point right when I least expected it? But with drinks flowing freely, I'm probably pushing my luck.

Mon 6th May
Bank holiday Monday. I awake with a very sore throat, but it's something I've had often and is probably unrelated. I think I've aggrivated the fold of skin that leads to the nasal passage by tonguing the back of my throat clear! My voice seems to be holding up, although it's a fair bit deeper! It's probably time I laid back off the booze, though.
I pick up the Billy script and read it in the sunshine of the garden. I'm feeling quite optimistic today. Lucie is chuffed that my mood has lifted. I tell her, 'we'll see...'

Congratulations if anyone out there managed to read all that, but it's mostly for my own benefit.

Oscar Lindquist!

2012-06-23T12:27:12Z

Here I am, ready to go onstage in my first musical, Sweet Charity, at Dewsbury Arts Group!

Me in 1961!

2012-05-05T10:32:15Z

Shug

Leeds Alternative Comics Fair 4 pics!

2012-04-29T18:16:18Z

Saturday 28th April saw the 4th Leeds Alternative Comics Fair and it was our best yet!
A combination of excellent exhibitors, loads of Twitter action, a Guardian Guide write up and come-inside rainy weather meant footfall was high. There was a great buzz all day and many of our exhibitors saw takings comparable to (or better than!) a large, 2-day convention!

We think everyone had a good time, although a couple of the exhibitors tried to sneak off without saying goodbye.

The staff at A Nation of Shopkeepers in Leeds couldn't have been more helpful on the day. Thanks a lot, guys!

I was ramming my Nikon D90 in people's faces, so here's what you might have missed:

My poster:

Andy Sykes in what has come to be known as "The Andy Sykes pose":

John Allison:

James "Couk" Downing:

James' poster:

Hew "The Pern" Ma:

Gary Bainbridge, kicking back with a cuppa:

Gary's poster:

Oli East:

My worst nightmare - someone's drink left next to my books:

Fellow organiser, Steve Tillotson:

Steve's poster:

Camera-shy (but we don't know why) Kristyna Baczynski:

John Allison and Dan Berry:

Adam Cadwell:

Adam Lee Jones with a table for Dewsbury Art College:

Holy Hexjibber:

What a cheese I am:

Steve Tillotson's new comic, Christopher Wren:

Karoline Rerrie:

Friend of Leeds Alt Comics, Darryl Cunningham, with his new book:

More proof that Leeds Alternative Comics is the world's best-looking convention:

The Andy Sykes pose 2:

A heartwarming reunion as Andrew Waugh turns up:

The ever-casual Cadwell:

Heil!

Hew Ma's wares:

That Cadwell bloke:

Slurpy, slurpy, cheep, cheep:

No doubt discussing how cool the organisers are:

Steve with the Dewsbury Art College lot:

Steve. A celebratory drink in Baby Jupiter:

Shug

@leedsaltcomics

Leeds Alternative Comics

Darth Vader eating Space Raiders!

2012-04-26T18:11:16Z

On the weekend of May 4th, Full Circle in Leeds will be hosting the Leeds Star Wars event! Full details are here but for now, here's my contribution to the lowbrow, Star Wars-inspired art exhibition:

"The Flavour is Strong With This One"
Yes, that is a real bag of Space Raiders.
Shug

Sweet Charity poster!

2012-04-13T18:20:44Z

In June I'll be playing Oscar Lindquist in Dewsbury Arts Group's production of the musical Sweet Charity! Here's the poster I did for it:

Shug

Musical Differences!

2012-03-25T16:07:34Z

This is my contribution to an issue of Paper Science. It took an age to do!

You can view it larger on my website!
Shug

Leeds Alternative Comics Fair 4 poster

2012-03-08T23:48:41Z

My poster for the 4th Leeds Alternative Comics Fair, which I co-organise with Steve Tillotson.

Plus, I just did the opening night of Alan Ayckbourn's Comic Potential at Dewsbury Arts Group Theatre. An amazingly generous audience. Acting is the most fun I've ever had.
Shug

Coming soon to a galaxy near, near away...

2012-03-06T19:30:14Z

There's more information to come on this (well, there'd have to be, really, but here's a teaser:

Shug (Ninx)

Gig for Victory!

2012-02-18T10:53:25Z

Working on a banner for someone's blog:

Yep.

Shug

Media whore!

2012-02-14T18:31:01Z

But I had nothing to do with the "death at factory".

Shug

Hourly Comic Day 2012!

2012-02-01T18:54:13Z

This year I grabbed my Yorkshire's Real Heritage Pubs book and headed out to Halifax!

Shug

A special message!

2011-12-08T23:28:04Z

Shug

Christmas sale!

2011-12-05T20:03:24Z

Bag yourself a Jenny's Weird Friend desktop calendar in time for 2012! They make cute little Christmas presents, too! On sale at only £2.50 (and that includes UK postage!)
Details here!

Shug

Thought Bubble 2011 pics!

2011-11-23T17:20:26Z

I enjoyed Thought Bubble (what has become one of the UK's best loved comic events) very much. Steve Tillotson and I were in a bit of a corner but someone has to sit there and luckily, the signing queue tides didn't do much more than wet our feet.

It was Thought Bubble's first two-day event and my first one ever. The crowds just about made it worthwhile.

Early on I was pleasantly surprised to see Adam Cadwell had made a Lego mini-fig' of me for his fig hunt game, which proved very popular with punters.

I was on a panel on Saturday morning (Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Self-Publishing) with Andy Sykes, Geof Banyard, Katie Green and Steve Tanner. It was a fun, relaxed panel, with Matt Sheret doing a sterling job as host. A damn good laugh, actually.

I had to take off in the afternoon to play The Mayor of Hamlin in The Pied Piper, leaving Steve to man our table. So thanks again, Steve. My absence proved popular and sales have never been so good!

That night saw falafel and pizza with Lando and Steve and the overcrowded, over-priced after party at the casino. After twenty minute waiting times at the bar, Steve and I bailed early. It's the only thing that lets Thought Bubble down.

Sunday was slower but improved endlessly by the presence of the Hot Wheel Roller Derby girls, who kept us all company. I'll be attending a bout soon. I'll also be taking my wife so I can concentrate on the game itself...

Afterwards, Dr. Simpo, Andy Sykes, Font Yeti peeps, Mrs. Shug, Steve Tillotson, Anthony Thomas and I went out for beer and a whole load of meat at Fazenda, Leeds. Awesome.

Shug

Thought Bubble 2011 schtuff!

2011-11-15T18:16:05Z

For Thought Bubble this weekend:

By 'Eck! 50 pages, full colour, Hallowe'eny!
Find Comet, Hit Comet, Watch Comet, Sleep - 80 pages, with 16-track soundtrack download!
Jenny's Weird Friend - now in colour!
Jenny's Weird Friend desktop calendars!
Plus... BADGES!

And lots more, such as Paper Science 5, Interference and Hourly Comics minis! See you there, hopefully! I'll be on a panel on Saturday morning and away in the afternoon to be in a play (leaving poor ol' Steve Tillotson to watch my side of our table) but I'll be there all Sunday!

Shug

ink+PAPER mp3!

2011-11-13T13:42:51Z

Here's a track I've made to accompany my ink+PAPER contribution, "Iris".
Click on this image to listen:

Download it here, along with lots more!

Shug

Spooky Hallowe'en tune!

2011-10-31T20:33:57Z

This is actually the first of four tracks that will accompany my latest comic, By 'Eck!, but it also doubles up as a spooky Hallowe'en number!

ENJOY!

Some Hallowe'en bits!

2011-10-31T18:17:34Z

My Ghostbusters pumpkin:

The grey bun I had at lunch:

And the T-shirt I'm wearing to my Hallowe'en-themed pub quiz tonight:

Plus, a spooky story I did when I was about thirteen:

Ghost On The Rim!

2011-10-30T13:47:47Z

Here's a spooky pumpclip I forgot to post when I completed it ages ago:

Shug

Headbanging leaf!

2011-10-18T19:13:16Z

I went to the Cartoonists' Club of Great Britain AGM over the weekend in Clevedon, Somerset.

We saw this leaf at the side of the road:

Shug

Small Press and more at Thought Bubble!

2011-10-11T18:28:21Z

To celebrate the upcoming Thought Bubble Festival, I've done a poster highlighting the small pressers! If I got your name wrong, let me know. I'll also be on the "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Self-Publishing" panel on Saturday morning.

Shug

Who IS this "Universal", anyway?

2011-10-08T13:55:45Z

I'm marching down to Universal Studios. HEADS WILL ROLL!

Thanks to Eddie (@AssignableJack) for the heads up!
Shug

Face Banana!

2011-10-03T18:45:58Z

My friend likes to draw faces on his bananas. I done 'im a banner:

Click on it to take you to his blog.

Shug

By 'Eck printed copies!

2011-10-02T13:29:20Z

Just in time for Hallowe'en, Inky Little Fingers have delivered my latest book, "By 'Eck!"

50 pages, A5, full colour and suitable for all ages! Get one from my shop here!

Shug